Dear Annie: How do I convey to my adult married children that I do not like being around my ex for the holidays?

My son lives several states away, and he invited my daughter and her family, my ex, and my wife and me for Thanksgiving together. This will be the first time in close to seven years that I will see both of my children together for a holiday.

My daughter has had Christmas at her home every year since my granddaughter was born. We are invited, but my ex is always there. I think holidays should be happy occasions, at a minimum, so maybe we could rotate years. But that does not happen. I am dreading Thanksgiving and being around her. She puts in digs at me or, in my opinion, wants to start a fight when everyone else is out of earshot. I consider her a lying, cheating, adulterous witch.

I want to spend time with my kids, just not with her around. My daughter-in-law and son-in-law have had disagreements with her in the past. My letter is long enough; I could go on and on. — Avoiding Ex

Dear Avoiding Ex: The best way to convey to your adult children that you would not like to be around your ex for the holidays is to tell them that. But understand that might mean less time with your kids.

You really have two choices: Ignore the chatter and negativity that is your ex-wife for the sake of spending more (quantity) time, or spend less time — but quality time — with your kids without your ex making rude remarks.

Regardless of what you decide, she is going to be in your life. It’s best to try to let go and forgive some of the anger you have toward her for her adultery. Not for her sake, but for yours.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].