Dear Eric: I enjoy your advice newspaper column a lot. Thank you. I’m writing to comment on the common wording people, including you, use when someone feels hurt by something someone says or does. As a psychotherapist, my perspective is that it is codependent to believe that someone “hurt your feelings.” I believe that it is more accurate and less critical to respond with, “I felt hurt by what you said / did.” Part of the therapy world is learning about communicating with “I” statements vs “you” statements. “I” statements are usually better received than “you” statements and tend to make the receiver feel less criticized and therefore less defensive in response.

– I Statements

Dear I Statements: Thank you so much for pointing this out. It’s so important and yet sometimes I do forget and reference “you” statements. I really appreciate the reminder.

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