Dear Eric: I eat at a local restaurant a couple times a week and tend to get one of three meals. This one waitress asks me what I want to eat, but then interrupts me to make guesses or tell me my choice. I just put my head down and nod yes or no to the guesses. It’s frustrating, but not life-threatening.

She enjoys it. I hate it.

However, if I were to say something, it would force her to make the choice of being herself, doing something she likes doing, or appeasing me so I can order the way I want to order. I don’t know if this is a big enough problem to have a “high road.” The answer will not change my life. She can easily change, and I can easily suffer. The question is who gets to be themselves?

– Speaking Up

Dear Speaking Up: I worked in the service industry for more than a decade. I loved it. I loved seeing regulars, meeting new people and carrying a lot of beverages in my hands at one time. The whole bit. I also loved knowing what people wanted, but I would always ask and confirm. That’s part of the job. She may think you’re a regular who likes to be known in this way. So, informing her that that’s not the case won’t be keeping her from being herself. It will be helping her to do her job better.

You may not have the kind of temperament that easily or comfortably course-corrects in social situations. That’s just fine. But know you won’t be causing her suffering by saying something like “I’ve already decided on my meal. Let’s skip the guessing today and I’ll just tell you.” This also clears the path for the two of you to talk about something else, if you want. Ideally, it’s a conversation that you’ll both enjoy.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.