Dear Eric: Several months ago, I saw a part-time position I wanted to apply for. I would also be able to keep a job I currently have if selected for the new position.

As part of the application process, I needed two references. I asked a current supervisor for one. I told her I would be able to keep working for her if chosen for the new position. She agreed to write the reference.

Roughly every two weeks in the time between her saying “yes” and the deadline, I would ask if she had any questions for me and/or had everything she needed to write the reference.

Then, a few weeks ago, and still ahead of the deadline, I asked for a copy of the reference so I could see what she thought my strengths and weaknesses were. She never acknowledged any of these emails. Now that the deadline for the position has passed, she has informed me that her reference may have gotten lost in cyberspace. I am feeling a wave of feelings and not sure of the right one to feel.

– Lost Reference

Dear Reference: I’m sorry this happened to you. There are plenty of explanations for what went wrong on your supervisor’s end, but I doubt any of them involve mysterious disappearances in cyberspace. That’s not really a thing. It sounds like she is either disorganized, flakey or didn’t actually feel comfortable writing a recommendation and didn’t want to tell you. All of these can make for a rocky working relationship going forward.

If you intend to keep working this job, it would be helpful to have a conversation about what she considers your strengths and opportunities without the reference hanging over the proceedings. Ideally, this would happen in a yearly or quarterly review setting, with another supervisor or Human Resources representative present.

If she secretly has reservations about the work you do, you should know about it so you can make informed decisions about your professional future. This could also be a good time to talk about communication styles and expectations as they relate to your job.

The initiative you took in getting the references and regularly checking in is commendable. You did everything right. The only thing I’d suggest for next time is to have a backup reference ready with enough time for them to jump in should your primary references not deliver.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.