DEAR MISS MANNERS: I co-hosted a small luncheon with a few retired girlfriends. The other hostess, Doris, made the entree, and I took care of the appetizers and desserts.

When she looked at my planned menu, she scolded my choices because a few of the friends were diabetic, which I had not known. (Doris has known these ladies for many years longer than I have.) And she said the rest of the friends, including Doris herself, were watching their weight.

I acknowledged her concerns, and added sugar-free pastries and fruit to my plans, alongside my homemade orange sponge cake. At the party, I made sure that all items were labeled clearly on the dessert table.

The sugar-free pastries were not touched, but my sponge cake was devoured.

Doris scolded me after the party, saying that if the cake had not been available, guests would have eaten the sugar-free options. She said tempting them wasn’t polite. I responded that they are grown women and should be able to make their own decisions.

What is the correct etiquette here?

GENTLE READER: It would have been far more insulting, in Miss Manners’ estimation, to have only offered sugar-free foods. This would imply that your guests could not be trusted to make their own dietary choices or to safely manage their own glucose levels.

As long as there is a variety of reasonable choices, hosts have no business monitoring those of their guests. Miss Manners has sympathy for the many restaurant chefs and dinner party hosts your friend Doris must be similarly scolding.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.