Miss Manners: I felt violated when a cashier congratulated my pregnancy test purchase

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who overstepped.

Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking to have a third. I’m still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle rather unpredictable; still, I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. At the checkout, the cashier congratulated me.

I was honest, telling her that I was hoping it was negative as I didn’t want to have a third C-section at age 42. She then said that I should enjoy any life I create and that any baby is a blessing. I just nodded, paid and left.

While I would have been happy if the test had been positive, I would also have been a little flustered and stressed. We would have had to move to a bigger house, for one thing. But none of that was the cashier’s business.

I felt like she was being really intrusive. What is the proper response in this situation, should it arise again?

GENTLE READER: What was that cashier thinking? “Congratulations” for what? Anyone buying a pregnancy test does not know if she is pregnant.

Miss Manners is aware that some consider personhood to begin at conception. This lady takes it a bit further, conferring congratulations on the mere possibility. And yours is not the only situation in which this cashier’s “congratulations” would be inappropriate. It would be upsetting for someone hoping for a positive result, but steeling herself against disappointment, for instance.

You did not need to respond to the “congratulations” because it was impertinent. As her subsequent remarks proved, she was not thinking of you, but rather pushing an agenda. Your second reaction, merely leaving, was fine — and should be promoted to first place, should this happen again.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.