The impact of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” authored by disgraced pastor Joshua Harris in 1997, introduced an alternative to dating called “courting,” emphasizing strict rules on physical touch and supervised dates within Christian teenage circles. However, this book is just one example in a series of influential works promoting unrealistic modesty rules and harmful abstinence-only rhetoric, also known as “purity culture.”

Rooted in white Christian nationalism, a societal framework that advocates for a white, Christian centered political and social structure, purity culture perpetuates teachings favoring a white, straight, religious standard for relationships. This stance disregards alternative lifestyles and non-nuclear family structures, contributing to the promotion of abstinence until marriage as a safeguard for one’s body and soul in line with evangelical ideals about sexuality.

Despite its long-standing existence, these teachings have been linked to adverse outcomes, including increased rates of unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and mental and physical health issues stemming from sexual repression.

Purity culture has even been linked to reduced rates of vaccination against HPV–the most common sexually transmitted disease in the world that can progress to cancer in both men and women. A 2023 study by the American Society for Virology found college students who were more religious were less likely to be vaccinated against HPV and less likely to vaccinate their children, even though the vaccine has found to be safe and highly effective.

While books perpetuating sexual health misinformation continue to be available in bookstores and classrooms nationwide, Reckon spoke with sexual health experts and readers to identify and highlight these problematic reads, aiming to create awareness about their detrimental impact.

Here are the books to add to your anti-reading list:

“Every Young Man/Woman’s Battle” (The Every Man series)

This book was among the top books mentioned both by experts and by commenters online who shared their experiences with how these books affected their lives and view of their own sexuality.

While “Every Man’s Battle” was a common read for young men, there were 24 other books in the series published including a female companion “Every Woman’s Battle.” There’s also a series aimed at teenagers that inserts “young” in the title.

Matthias Roberts, host of the Queerology podcast and author of “Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms,” said the book created a confusing juxtaposition for him as a gay man, creating an impossible standard for him.

“The series pushes the idea that you are sinful for even experiencing sexual feelings. Despite their insistence that attraction to women is natural for men, the books read as if feelings of attraction are just as bad as having sex outside of marriage,” he said.

One user on reddit, u/IcedCoffeeVoyager, said the book has affected his sexual relationship with his wife.

“‘Every Man’s Battle’ and ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ fucked me up. I’m happily married and sexually active with my wife, but I’m very uncomfortable discussing what I like or want to explore with her. Even though she’s very comfortable and open about her end of things. I just can’t make myself say it, there’s a mental block because expressing these thoughts is shameful thanks to purity culture programming,” said reddit user

The comment was shared on a post asking about the books that most heavily influenced people’s purity culture views on their sexuality.

The books are still available online and in print–just a click away from having the book on your e-reader or other electronic device.

“And the Bride Wore White” by Dannah Gresh

When Reckon asked sex educator Erica Smith about the books she hears her clients talk about most often, one of her first responses was “anything by Dannah Gresh.” Smith created the “Purity Culture Dropout” online course and regularly posts information about sexual health and finding a new sexual ethic outside of purity culture.

Gresh, an author and founder of Pure Freedom Ministries, which focuses on producing content on sexual purity for girls, has created a range of content for girls of all ages. Her work has been highly criticized by commenters and experts for introducing girls to modesty and purity culture before they begin puberty.

She’s also been accused of attacking the LGBTQ+ community in her books.

“’Lies Girls Believe’ subtly attacks the LGBTQ community by arguing that there are only two “very different” genders. And this, unfortunately, is precisely how hate is spread, by teaching innocent children that others are “sinning” for being who they are,” according to a review on the Reader Fox book review blog.

Twitter user Lorca Damon called “And the Bride Wore White” the “worst.” Smith added that Gresh’s work is especially harmful because it targets girls at a very young age.

“Dannah Gresh starts girls young with the belief that there is one singular way to be a good and pure person. She has books for every age of girlhood, she’s focused on getting this message to girls before puberty. Everything is on the girl’s shoulders,” Smith said.

Her book “Secret Keeper” is about modesty and how women have a special gift that they will eventually share with one man, Smith explained. The book is such an inflection point for her that she’s made social videos focusing on the book exclusively. She explains the book in a reel posted on her Instagram, where she explains that the book teaches that girls’ purpose is to “captivate and intoxicate one man–but just one.”

“Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris

While Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” has been one of the most discussed purity culture books of all time, he wrote more than one book on purity. Another book by Harris that readers said affected their views on sexuality was “Boy Meets Girl.”

This book presented an unrealistic standard that commenters on reddit described as “gross” in a post about the book.

“Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris. This had me convinced that dating someone was only suitable if I knew for sure that I would be happy marrying them. Anything less was basically cheating on my future spouse. It’s so gross, but when I was 17 and everything in my life revolved around church teaching? I desperately wanted to “live beyond reproach,” said reddit user u/Sad-Percentage9289.

Following the announcement of his divorce and leaving the Christian faith, Harris stopped publishing all of his books, including “Boy Meets Girl” and “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”

So what should I read instead?

If you’re looking for a better take on sexual ethics, check out these titles:

• “Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms” by Mathias Roberts

This book addresses how to create a new sexual ethic after you decide abstinence unless you’re married isn’t the right choice for you. It also includes perspectives that are inclusive of LGBTQ+ experiences.

• “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski

This book is a great primer on sexual response, particularly for cisgender women. It doesn’t include transgender sexuality, but is a useful resources for cis folks.

• “God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships” by Matthew Vines

This book outlines a biblical perspective on same-sex relationships that celebrates and includes LGBTQ+ folks’ faith and relationships.

• “Pure” by Linda Kay Kline
  

Kline tells her story and the stories of many other people who grew up in purity culture and are working to untangle the web of restriction in their minds.